The Opposite of Love is Fear

The Opposite of Love is Fear

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is fear. I first learned this in 2013 when I read Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. I know I've mentioned this book before, but I highly recommend it. It changed my life. It took me awhile to learn her lesson that fear is the opposite of love. I'm still learning it.  Think about when you are the least calm, what is causing it? It's usually fear. For me, when I am procrastinating, the reason is usually fear.  And perfectionism, but that's still a form of fear. When you are frustrated, stressed, or anxious, what's at the root of it? Fear. We fear the computer won't ever print, that we will be late for the meeting, and that our boss will think less of us. Fear. Fear. Fear.

Love is the opposite. When we know ourselves and love ourselves and accept ourselves, we know the the printer can be fixed or replaced. We know we will get to the meeting in time even if it was supposed to start 5 minutes ago. We know that we are an asset to our boss and our company regardless of what she thinks.
Fear paralyzes us. Love helps us flow.
Fear convinces us to procrastinate. Love takes leaps of faith.
Fear breaks our spirit with doubts, wonderings, and what ifs. Love opens doors with what ifs, wonderings, and dreams.
Fear keeps us home under the covers. Love has us giving acceptance speeches.
Fear has us celebrating New Years Eve alone. Love has us trying something new.

Am I making it sound like love is a synonym for courage? It's not, but it is an opening to what is and what can be. As a flower unfolds before the sun, a life unfolds in the presence of love.  Children who don't experience feeling loved by their parents, such as children of abuse, neglect, or poverty whose parents are working two jobs and not home much don't seem to unfold. They stay closed up and life happens to them. They are reactive rather than open. Attacking rather than receiving. They lack trust in others, especially adults.  Is this how you see yourself and your life?  How would you like to change that?  If your inner child needs some love, let me know.  I can show you a simple strategy you can use.

In 2016 there has been a lot of fear following our recent presidential election.  During the campaign things were said; fake news was taken as fact. Many aren't sure what is fake news and what is real. There is a lot of fear.  In less than a week our new President-Elect will take office.  In some the fear is escalating.  There is fear surrounding the inauguration, the cabinet senate hearings and the next four years. As a result there is a lot of anger in our country.  There is a lot of anger on social media.  I have seen some conservative-liberal smack downs that may be worthy of Jerry Springer. I've seen name calling and nasty innuendos.  We are acting like children.  Children who have little love in our lives, little hope, and little trust.  Why?  Self-righteousness is a sign of fear.  Why are you afraid of not being right?  Do you really care if you are right?  Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? As for me, I'd rather be happy.  I've started walking away.  Sometimes I can't.  Sometimes I still roll my eyes, have to bite my tongue, or have to say something.  Sometimes I have to stir the pot and poke the bear.  But I am trying to be happy more and self-righteous less.

  When my own fears talk to me in the corners of my mind, I keep getting the same answer,  "Love is the opposite of fear.  Come from love not fear."  What does that look like to you?  To me that looks like dropping the mic as a friend said during a recent political discussion on Facebook. Sometimes you just have to walk away.  You can't change anyone's mind who doesn't want to change.  It doesn't mean try harder.  It means they aren't ready to hear you.  They aren't ready. Nope, they still aren't ready.   They aren't open.  Walk away.

Coming from love means learning to live by The Four Agreements.  This is another book I highly recommend.  Coming from love means learning to forgive. Everyone is just doing their best every day.  As Don Miguel Ruiz says in the book and below, our best will be different on different days. Remember that nothing others do is because of you.  It's always about them.  If they lash out at you angrily, instead of getting angry in return, just know there's something in them making them do that.  "Oh, that's just Miguel.  He forgets himself when he does that."  That doesn't mean you have to stick around for more of Miguel's abuse, but knowing you aren't the cause of it can give you the strength and peace to walk away and continue your happy journey.

Coming from love means choosing words of kindness toward others.  Are you a gossip?  Can you work on that?  Are you a complainer like I am?  Can you work on that?

Coming from love means choosing the rose colored glasses instead of the gray ones.  Coming from love means seeing the silver lining around the cloud.  Coming from love means focusing on the positive.  Some people fear if they focus on the positive they aren't seeing what's real.  You will.  Some fear if they focus on the puppy and kitten and baby pictures on social media they will miss out on major news stories.  You won't.  What you need to know comes to you.  Sometimes it comes in a conversation.  Sometimes it comes from your car radio.  Sometimes it comes from social media.  You will know what you need to know.  I've been doing this for three and a half years.  It works.  I am a happier person stepping away from the drama. I am a happier person finding the good in others instead of the weaknesses.  I am a happier person by choosing love over fear.  What will you choose?