What is Your Heart Whispering? Are You Doing It?

            What is Your Heart Whispering? Are You Doing It? 

I haven't been writing. I have been avoiding. I have been ignoring the whisper in my head.

This week the whisper took a different tack to reach me. I heard the whispers throughout my journey - in 4th grade, grad school, In Katrina Kittle's memoir class, then again in her Leap and the Net Will Appear class. I shushed them.  "Not me," I said,  "Why would anyone want to read what I write? What do I have to say that is important? or interesting? or funny? or new and unique?" 

I shushed them, and I kept busy.  I was sooo busy.  I was playing six games of Words with Friends, plus there's Facebook to check regularly, and work of course, and home projects, and housework, and errands, and family and friends to see, and exercise.  See?  Who has time to write?! The whisper answered me.  It listed some of my mentors, one by one. 

"Lester has time to write , and teach teachers, and travel around the country. 

"Jennifer published her first novel, and her second one is in final revisions.

"Katrina makes time to write. She schedules it on her calendar every day. It's an appointment with herself." 

I knew the whisper was right.  I had chatted with Katrina during both her memoir writing class and her Leap and the Net Will Appear class. We talked about the challenges of scheduling writing time when you are a teacher. Katrina wrote and published her first novel while teaching full time. During class one night she was kind enough to show me her calendar. She shared with me her strategy.  Yes, we have calendars on our smart phones now, but this is in ink. This she carries with her. This she refers to before scheduling plans. Hmmm. 

The whisper reminded me of this as I stained my deck this week.  Dip the brush into the stain, image of a planner came to mind.  Swish the brush back and forth along the deck, the conversation played in my head. I see the appointment "writing time" across the pages. Hmm. I think about it. I pull out my old Franklin planner, and search for refills online. 

The whisper wasn't finished with me yet.  Facebook started in on me next.  I saw memes about moving past fear.  I saw memes about stepping into your greatness and living the life you were meant to live.  I saw memes like this one from Spirit Science. 

There was more to my lesson. This week I realized that there are people in our lives:  family, friends,  coworkers, or even the man at the stop sign next to you, who are there to be mirrors, to teach us lessons about ourselves. This week, the mirrors showed me people who live in fear.  Fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Fear of doctors and medical tests. Fear so great it paralyzes making a life of loneliness and boredom. It was a sign. It was time. 

Right on cue, came a meeting with two friends at Panera. Somehow the conversation led to writing, to overcoming fear, and to this blog.  "Why aren't you blogging anymore?" one friend asked. 

I answered, "When I told a friend a few years ago about my blog, she asked, 'Why would you want to put yourself out there like that?'" I realized it as soon as I said it.  Fear.  My two friends verbalized it, "She tapped into a fear of yours."  

"What are you afraid of?"  We answered this question in Katrina's Leap and the Net Will Appear class. I am afraid of my genes.  My grandmother and my aunt had Alzheimer's. I don't want to run out of time to follow my dreams.  

That was it. I pulled up my blog right there at Panera and emailed it to myself to remind me to write when I got home. I've written every day since.  Today, now that my deck is finished, I went to Office Depot and bought a planner.  I wrote in writing times for every day this month. It's an appointment with myself that I will keep. 

And tomorrow I'm calling the music store to inquire about drum lessons. 

The whisper has turned to a smile.