Mindfulness Matters

Mindfulness Matters

Yes, that is the name of a website or two, but I really, really like alliteration.  And I put my very best cat, the best cat in the world, to sleep today so I am getting what I want today.  So if you've recently lost a pet, or if euthanasia bothers you, this is probably not the blog post you want to read today.  If, however, you have been thinking mindfulness might be for you, or you want to know what mindfulness is, keep reading.  

Mindfulness is often defined by the spiritual gurus as being present in the present moment. What does that mean?!  Well, being present or aware in the present moment means when you are eating dinner, feel the food in your mouth, taste the seasoning, chew before swallowing instead of gulping.  If you are reading, watching tv, working, or driving while eating, you may finish your meal and not remember tasting a bite.  Being mindful means when you are brushing your teeth pay attention to what you are doing, don't be arguing with your boss in your head while you are brushing.  Focus on the task at hand.  

Thank sounds like a lot of work or effort, right?  Right!  It is.  The sneaky ego mind keeps trying to distract us with thoughts of the past, worries about the future, and what Martha Creek calls the four portals to hell (why, should/shouldn't, need, and want).  It does take practice drawing the attention back to the present moment.  It also takes practice doing this without judgment or harsh self criticism.  Are you human?  Yep, I thought so.  So it's going to happen.  Your mind is going to play these tricks on you.  Just recognize them, "Oh, I'm having a conversation with someone in my shower who isn't even here ( and thank goodness they aren't!)," and move on,  "Back to shampooing."    

When stopping the thoughts is challenging, and it often is, I try to think of something happening now.  I try to think of something more happy or loving instead of the negative thought I am tormenting myself with.  I have even pictured myself holding a tennis racquet and using perfect forehand and backhand shots to volley the negative thoughts right out of my head.  Hey, whatever works, right? 

Why?  Why would we want to bother?  Why would we waste our mental energy practicing mindfulness?  Because it matters.  Being mindful, focusing on the present moment has greatly reduced my stress and anxiety levels and raised my happiness and joy levels over the past year.  Being mindful helped me through a hard, hard day. My cat's last day.  

 I knew this day was coming.  Blitz was 19.  We've had her for 16 years.  She helped me through my daughter's teenage years.  What can you do with a boy when your mom isn't home if a cat is sitting on your lap?  She helped me through my marriage and divorce.  She greeted me after a long day at work - either meeting me at the door or blinking her eyes sleepily as she came down the steps when I got home.  She had renal failure, was losing weight, and over the last week slowly decreased eating to barely a few bites a day.  We went to the vet this morning.  Her abdomen was full of fluid.  It was time.  Did I want to do this now or when?  I called my daughter at work to see if she wanted to be there.  We planned to do it tonight so she could come after work.  I took Blitz home one more time.  I told her she was Queen for a Day.  We could do whatever she wanted today.  I offered her tuna and chicken, as I had been for the last couple of months.  We cuddled on the couch.  We sat outside in the grass in the sun, and felt the breeze and watched birds.  Blitz loved watching birds.  

This morning driving home from the vet was hard.  I was crying and thinking about tonight,  "How would it be?  How would I drive home then if I was having a hard time driving home now? How would it be driving home with an empty kitty carrier?  How would our house be without Blitz? How would I sleep without her on the bed?  How would I sit on the couch without her there to cuddle?"  Whoah!  I was already driving myself crazy!  So I decided the best thing I could do for both of us, was to be present.  To be mindful.  So I got myself to stop crying (after an hour or so) so we could enjoy her last day together. 

It was a couch day.  We sat on the couch.  I petted her.  We snuggled a little.  Not too much.  I think things have been hurting for awhile because snuggling has been gone for a few months.  Yes, I checked email and Facebook, and made a couple of phone calls, but I did it because mentally I needed a break from the grief.  I needed to feel normal.  And I did those things sitting on the couch with Blitz.  Later in the afternoon I went downstairs to start a load of laundry.  Ok, I'm not perfect at the mindfulness stuff.  I'm a beginner, too.  Blitz came down and went to the sliding glass door so we went outside.  We were there for about 2 hours.  Again, I came and went, grabbing a book, checking a text message from a caring friend, changing the laundry, but mostly I sat, petted, loved, and breathed in her last day.  

What a difference it made.  Because I sat with Blitz all day, I saw her struggling to breathe.  I knew it was time.  I was making the right decision.  Because I sat with Blitz all day, I saw how she never ate a bite.  Because I sat with Blitz all day, I saw how she barely raised her head.  Even when a flock of noisy birds flew overhead.  I came to peace with my decision.  The ego mind tried.  There was nothing to harass me about.  I was at peace.  Incredibly, heart-achingly sad, gut-wrenchingly sad, but at peace. 

When we got to the vet we had to wait.  I again took my cues from Blitz.  We ended up waiting outside in the grass and in the shrubbery - with her lying in the mulch enjoying the light summer breeze.  We were ready.  We said good-bye and I love you's.  Afterward we took her to my parent's house.  They allowed me to bury her in their backyard, in the flower garden by the bird feeder so Blitz can lie in the grass watching birds.  We held hands around the hole, and my nephew said, "Bless Blitz.  She was a nice cat."  We each said something.  Then my nephew played Blake Shelton's song, "God Gave Me You."  It was perfect.  We said good-bye.  Driving home, I realized how much mindfully spending the day with her meant to me.  It was the best gift I could think to give her.  It was the best gift I could give me. 

If being mindful on this hard, hard day made such a difference in my life, what could being mindful in each of our days do for us?  Would you be willing to try?  I know I am.  

Please go hug your pet(s) for me.  :)  

 Blitz 1995 - 2014