Mindfulness Matters

Mindfulness Matters

Yes, that is the name of a website or two, but I really, really like alliteration.  And I put my very best cat, the best cat in the world, to sleep today so I am getting what I want today.  So if you've recently lost a pet, or if euthanasia bothers you, this is probably not the blog post you want to read today.  If, however, you have been thinking mindfulness might be for you, or you want to know what mindfulness is, keep reading.  

Mindfulness is often defined by the spiritual gurus as being present in the present moment. What does that mean?!  Well, being present or aware in the present moment means when you are eating dinner, feel the food in your mouth, taste the seasoning, chew before swallowing instead of gulping.  If you are reading, watching tv, working, or driving while eating, you may finish your meal and not remember tasting a bite.  Being mindful means when you are brushing your teeth pay attention to what you are doing, don't be arguing with your boss in your head while you are brushing.  Focus on the task at hand.  

Thank sounds like a lot of work or effort, right?  Right!  It is.  The sneaky ego mind keeps trying to distract us with thoughts of the past, worries about the future, and what Martha Creek calls the four portals to hell (why, should/shouldn't, need, and want).  It does take practice drawing the attention back to the present moment.  It also takes practice doing this without judgment or harsh self criticism.  Are you human?  Yep, I thought so.  So it's going to happen.  Your mind is going to play these tricks on you.  Just recognize them, "Oh, I'm having a conversation with someone in my shower who isn't even here ( and thank goodness they aren't!)," and move on,  "Back to shampooing."    

When stopping the thoughts is challenging, and it often is, I try to think of something happening now.  I try to think of something more happy or loving instead of the negative thought I am tormenting myself with.  I have even pictured myself holding a tennis racquet and using perfect forehand and backhand shots to volley the negative thoughts right out of my head.  Hey, whatever works, right? 

Why?  Why would we want to bother?  Why would we waste our mental energy practicing mindfulness?  Because it matters.  Being mindful, focusing on the present moment has greatly reduced my stress and anxiety levels and raised my happiness and joy levels over the past year.  Being mindful helped me through a hard, hard day. My cat's last day.  

 I knew this day was coming.  Blitz was 19.  We've had her for 16 years.  She helped me through my daughter's teenage years.  What can you do with a boy when your mom isn't home if a cat is sitting on your lap?  She helped me through my marriage and divorce.  She greeted me after a long day at work - either meeting me at the door or blinking her eyes sleepily as she came down the steps when I got home.  She had renal failure, was losing weight, and over the last week slowly decreased eating to barely a few bites a day.  We went to the vet this morning.  Her abdomen was full of fluid.  It was time.  Did I want to do this now or when?  I called my daughter at work to see if she wanted to be there.  We planned to do it tonight so she could come after work.  I took Blitz home one more time.  I told her she was Queen for a Day.  We could do whatever she wanted today.  I offered her tuna and chicken, as I had been for the last couple of months.  We cuddled on the couch.  We sat outside in the grass in the sun, and felt the breeze and watched birds.  Blitz loved watching birds.  

This morning driving home from the vet was hard.  I was crying and thinking about tonight,  "How would it be?  How would I drive home then if I was having a hard time driving home now? How would it be driving home with an empty kitty carrier?  How would our house be without Blitz? How would I sleep without her on the bed?  How would I sit on the couch without her there to cuddle?"  Whoah!  I was already driving myself crazy!  So I decided the best thing I could do for both of us, was to be present.  To be mindful.  So I got myself to stop crying (after an hour or so) so we could enjoy her last day together. 

It was a couch day.  We sat on the couch.  I petted her.  We snuggled a little.  Not too much.  I think things have been hurting for awhile because snuggling has been gone for a few months.  Yes, I checked email and Facebook, and made a couple of phone calls, but I did it because mentally I needed a break from the grief.  I needed to feel normal.  And I did those things sitting on the couch with Blitz.  Later in the afternoon I went downstairs to start a load of laundry.  Ok, I'm not perfect at the mindfulness stuff.  I'm a beginner, too.  Blitz came down and went to the sliding glass door so we went outside.  We were there for about 2 hours.  Again, I came and went, grabbing a book, checking a text message from a caring friend, changing the laundry, but mostly I sat, petted, loved, and breathed in her last day.  

What a difference it made.  Because I sat with Blitz all day, I saw her struggling to breathe.  I knew it was time.  I was making the right decision.  Because I sat with Blitz all day, I saw how she never ate a bite.  Because I sat with Blitz all day, I saw how she barely raised her head.  Even when a flock of noisy birds flew overhead.  I came to peace with my decision.  The ego mind tried.  There was nothing to harass me about.  I was at peace.  Incredibly, heart-achingly sad, gut-wrenchingly sad, but at peace. 

When we got to the vet we had to wait.  I again took my cues from Blitz.  We ended up waiting outside in the grass and in the shrubbery - with her lying in the mulch enjoying the light summer breeze.  We were ready.  We said good-bye and I love you's.  Afterward we took her to my parent's house.  They allowed me to bury her in their backyard, in the flower garden by the bird feeder so Blitz can lie in the grass watching birds.  We held hands around the hole, and my nephew said, "Bless Blitz.  She was a nice cat."  We each said something.  Then my nephew played Blake Shelton's song, "God Gave Me You."  It was perfect.  We said good-bye.  Driving home, I realized how much mindfully spending the day with her meant to me.  It was the best gift I could think to give her.  It was the best gift I could give me. 

If being mindful on this hard, hard day made such a difference in my life, what could being mindful in each of our days do for us?  Would you be willing to try?  I know I am.  

Please go hug your pet(s) for me.  :)  

 Blitz 1995 - 2014

The Power of Gratitude

Facebook taught me gratitude.

Really.
Well, ok, not the webiste or app itself of course, but my friends did.
Last summer my friend, Susan, also a teacher, invited us to a closed gratitude group on the social media site. We were asked to post one thing we were grateful for each day.
This daily practice of gratitude created a miraculous transformation in our lives. A couple of group members started very negatively, having to work hard to find a positive after a spine crushing car accident and a debilitating illness accompanied by chronic, intense pain. But by searching, finding, and sharing the positives, their joy  grew. The pain lessened. The spine began to heal. The support as we "liked" each others' posts was affirming. We continued. Several of us, although we still had not met, became Facebook friends outside of the group because we were involved in each others' lives  last summer.  

 
For me the practice of gratitude reached a peak regarding my ex-husband. I left the marriage with a lot of fear, anger, resentment, betrayal, distrust, and disenchantment.  Through the practice of gratitude, I got to the place where I could only feel grateful. I was able to put this into practice while texting with his first wife last July. Yes, she and I have never met, but keep in touch often. :-) I am grateful for that, too. For some reason she  kept bringing up my old stories from my two year marriage. 
She sent messages like, "I can't believe he lied to you about his credit cards." I replied, I am grateful that I learned the questions to ask before marrying again. 
"I can't believe he let J (her 2nd son) call you a B*#$@!" and I replied, "I am grateful for the person I've become after our divorce. I am grateful I know I deserve to be treated better."
And so that conversation went. It was really strange because we don't normally text about him and we have never rehashed the past after our first phone conversation where we each shared our stories. But 
every dig into the past only brought one emotion to the surface- gratitude. It welled up inside the way  tears well in your eyes and just poured forth from my thumbs as I texted, "I feel grateful, I feel grateful. I feel grateful.". 
Over time, the gratitude group faded from Facebook. People moved on into their joyful, grateful
lives.

A New Challenge 

This summer I was invited by a friend for a different type of Facebook gratitude challenge. She
posted 3 things she was grateful for then asked me to do the same for ten days. I was to invite two
friends each day the way she invited me.
Today is my tenth day. I have enjoyed watching the gratitude grow over my newsfeed. Some of the
people I have invited have not joined the challenge. That is ok. Those that have are already seeing the magic. A friend yesterday struggled to find three things to be grateful for as her computer kept
crashing with all of her photos on the hard drive, but not backed up elsewhere. Friends offered
suggestions for Passport or Carbonite online as back up ideas.
Today she already had the turn around.  She said she was grateful for her computer crashing because it pushed her to come up with a backup plan like she knew she had been meaning to do for some time. 
That is something else I found with last summer's gratitude group.  We often experienced the "turn around" where a sad, frustrating, or enraging experience could actually lead to gratitude later. 

Are you up for the challenge? I know you are.  

Give it a try.  What are you grateful for?  How can you celebrate with others? 
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Start a gratitude journal
Create a Facebook gratitude challenge or group
Join the http://100happydays.com/ challenge
What ideas do you have for practicing gratitude?  

Ooh, Ah, Om!

Juls Explained Here

Last month I turned 47. Not a bad number. But edging a step closer to the next 0. Those zeroes used to be exciting: 

• 10 - a decade/double digits!
• 20 - no longer a teenager, one more year to buy alcohol 
• 30 - a mature adult. . . The voice began here, "You are 30! What have you done with your life? What have you accomplished?
• 40 - free from the marriage that wasn't, started my Master's Degree with Ohio Writing Project, was working out with Bill at MGB Strength, was the strongest I've ever been, feeling alive and free.  "Who cares what people think?!" said 40.

Then 46 came along. Frustrated with food allergies and IBS symptoms, aches and pains, now on two prescriptions  and the threat of blood pressure pills from my doctor. "We have been treating you for stress related illnesses for. . .  ." she started.

"20 years," I interrupted. "That's how long I've been teaching." "Was she going to make me change careers to save my life? What else can I do with my teaching degrees and make enough money to live the life I want to live?" I wondered. I have been asking myself the second question for about 15 years.

     
The doctor told me to lose weight. I told her I've been trying to meditate, and that I am practicing yoga. Sigh. I didn't tell her I hadn't been to the gym in 3 months. 

So that's where I was in April. I decided to double my yoga practice from once a week to twice a week. Amazing. I felt twice as good! During this time I learned about an upcoming workshop at my local yoga studio with a medical intuitive.  We were told by our yoga instructor that this woman could do a "reading" and tell you what is going on with your body. I went home and investigated online. Cost? Is this serious? Anything to help, right?  

    
So I contacted Dana Skrodzki http://www.dsyogandhealing.com/and set up a private session.   Dana contacted me soon after.  She offered to do a free online reading since her workshop was cancelled and she wouldn't be coming to Cincinnati.  I really didn't understand how this worked, but free is good so I sent her my name and age as requested.  It took a few weeks before I heard back, but when I did, BAM!  Did I ask for it or did I ask for it?!  Her email to me went something like this:

Your heart is screaming...Listen to me!!!  and you're fighting it in every way that you can, but if you listen it changes everything for you ( well, your mind believes this anyways). . . 

I am 46 and what have I done with my life.  do you find yourself asking this lately?  There's no meaning, there's no substance. This is what I feel you are telling yourself.  You need to stop leading the life that everyone expects you to lead and start living the life you feel in your heart. . . .

You're over working you mind and your body is paying the price.  You're not listening to your gut and your heart, so your body is producing to much cortisol as you continue to be stressed out with life.   You've been asking for it to stop and it very well might do this.  But, you don't want it to stop, so please stop saying this!!!!   I see a lot of anxiety over the things you can control and things you're unaware of!  Stop doing this to yourself!!!! Now!!!!

So, rather than encourage my body to stop like a bucking bronco throwing me to the ground, I chose to do something about it. I started talking to my body and listening to it. 

Last week I had the ultimate pay-off.  At my Sunday morning yoga class (Thank you, Lulu Lemon, Kenwood), my body yelled at me.  Yes, it yelled at me.  Yes, it was inside my head.  It said, "Why do you think you can work us this hard when you only work out once a week?! It doesn't work like that!"

I, of course, was a bit stunned.  So last week I worked out.  Tuesday I had nothing planned so I asked, "What would you like to do today?"

The voice in my head answered, "The elliptical machine, yeah, the elliptical machine.  Oh, and maybe some weights."

So I drove to Fitworks for the 2nd time in 2014 and got on the elliptical machine.  After about 20 minutes I moved to free weights.  I started out with low weights because I hadn't lifted in almost 7 months.  First set of reps was easy. I slowly increased the weight and before I knew it I was lifting the same weight I had lifted in December.  Listening to my body worked!  The amazing thing to me was that my body was singing the entire time.  It wasn't singing words, it was singing a vibrational hum that seemed as though all my cells were dancing.  It was amazing.  I felt so good!

So, my question for you is how can you listen to your body?  What might it say?  Are you drowning in stress and anxiety like I was?  Are you loving and listening to yourself?  What would happen if you did?